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The Cynic's Word Book

 

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PAIN n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
PAINTING n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in
the same work:
the ancients painted their statues. The only
present alliance between
the two arts is that the modern painter chisels
his patrons.

PALACE n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.
PALM n. A species of tree having several varieties, of which the familiar "itching palm" (Palma hominis) is most widely distributed and sedulously cultivated. This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver. The metal will adhere with remarkable tenacity. The fruit of the itching palm is so bitter and unsatisfying that a considerable percentage of it is sometimes given away in what are known as "benefactions."
 
Old English 'word lottery' pick

Septuagesimal : a. Consisting of seventy days, years, etc.; reckoned by seventies.

 
The Cynic's Word Book by Ambrose Bierce published in 1906 and 1911.
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